Hey Angel!            

Lets yap and listen to the tea. 

Yall, It's been a long week. A good one for sure, but man am I tired. Hope you all are well yourselves!

 The weekend after next I leave to go on a three day vacation, and I'm really looking forward to it! I can't wait to hike and swim. It's been a long time since I've been out there so I think it'll be fun.

 I've started rereading a book called Heartless by Marrissa Meyer because I cannot for the life of me remember it, but I know I read at least some of it at one point. It's good so far! [review soon..]

Yesterday I went to an estate sale for the first time. I came home with two super fun items. Probably the cooler of the two is the cd walkman from 2005 that had NEVER been opened [and works!]. So then of course last night I burned a cd with some of my favorite songs. Physical media for the win.

I absolutely love to craft and DIY everything. It fills my soul. Genuinely all I need in life are books and music and crafts. And maybe some peace and quiet. And good food.

I also got a really nice sewing machine because my other one is broken and i havent taken it to get it fixed. Super excited to FINALLY get back to sewing. Clothes especially, I need to fix and take in the sizing on some of my things. 

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For weeks I've been seeing all of the back to school basics and craze. It never bothered me much but I'm just realizing how strange it is not to be in school anymore. I made the conscious decision not to go college until I know what I want or if I want it, so I'm certainly not upset about it. Just feels weird. I mean you basically go to school your whole life and then boom. You have to be an adult and get a job and all of that. Like yikes. Its just a strange feeling. Somewhat sad in a way. I know in my heart everything is going to be fine, but I still panic anyway. Such is life i suppose.

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Because I'm a romantic, half my mind is always on fairytales and love and boys. Not in a weird way, if that makes sense. Just in that hurry-up-im-waiting-and-i-miss-my-future-partner kind of way. Does that make literally any sense? 

It's been a weird summer in terms of dating. I've never actually been in a relationship, but so far I've had to turn two guys down for various reasons, and one out of the two was pushing it. Had to give major boundaries on that one. I feel for him, he's in a sad situation, but it was super manipulative and toxic and it really drained me. The other guy I went on one date with and after that, it was basically that. It was great at first, until I found out a bit more about him and how he works and then it went poorly. I didn’t really feel a connection after something happened (he made a poor decision), and it was, again, still draining to deal with. Will this ever get better?? Boy am I tired. Need my future husband to hurry up. 

Then to top it off, I was told yesterday I “looked nice” by a guy I know. Has he ever said that before? Nope. We are very basic friends but it's always been just that. I used to like him, I'm not sure about now, but now I'm like ??? The moment felt different too. Just when he said it. There's a part of me that panics. Any kind of relationship beginnings have not gone well so far so I'm very hesitant. But maybe he was just being kind and out of pocket. Who knows 🤷‍♀️ 

I feel like I've struggled with REALLY liking someone after coming to the conclusion the boy I loved didn't love me. It's silly to look back on but I really did fall in love with him. I only ever met him in person for a couple days at an event, and then it was all over text. Never called, but we texted consistently. At some point he started answering weeks after I sent texts. I get it now and I did then, he was starting and is in college. I knew in my heart I needed to get over it, he wasn't making an effort for that to go anywhere because he was busy. But good grief. Why did I go fall in love with someone I didn't really know? I was still sad and hurt for a while. I'm ok now but sometimes I still wish we could be different. Big sigh. Why's life so hard 

This is absolute word vomit on my part.

Welcome to my life 🙃 thanks for reading, I hope it's entertaining to someone out there. 

Everything will be fiiine 

Tootles ♡